[2019 Season Theme]: Week 5 AND IT'S NO GOOD! IT'S NO GOOD!

Not only did the Rams lose, they lost to maybe my #3 team and the most beautiful QB of all time.

I noticed that when I watched the game, LA did well and when I didn't watch, they were typically stagnant at best. It was therefore my duty to not watch the Rams last drive, but I did tune in just in time for the reply of the FAILED Field Goal attempt.

All in all, it was a good night.

Going for Two: Divisional Round Review

With my first two picks being accurate this weekend, I was going to hold off on blogging lest it jinx me, but with Seattle down 31 to nothing at the half, I've got nothing to lose. Saturday was very bittersweet, since I predicted New England and Arizona, and they both won, but I would have been perfectly happy with them losing. With the AFC game, it was more about New England losing and a partial desire to see my boyfriend succeed. As for the other game, a Packer win would have wreaked havoc with my predictions, but it would have had me jumping for joy. As it was, I'm happy for the Cardinals, cuz it's their year.

The best part of last night's game had to be trash talking in the comments section of my favorite blogger's Facebook threads. Before the Week 16 game, he had asked if the Packers and their fans had "ever considered sucking it", though it appears that he has removed that post. Regardless, when he warned readers that he was about to go all football for a few hours, I opted to respond in kind.

Miracles can only win games so often.

Ed confessed his fear of A-A-Ron, expressed surprise at all the 3rd down conversions from the Packers, whined about missed calls, whined about his team,  gave up, bitched about Cris Collinsworth, but mostly about missed calls, dropped a few posts that have since been removed, and finally, expressed his appreciation for Wisconsin. He lost a few dozen followers with that night, but what a night it was. In the end, the better team won. I kind of wished that Larry Fitzgerald had finished his spectacular run in the end zone, but at least he got the TD in the end.

When Ed gave up, I saw a comment further down-thread that made an egregious false comparison. I made a short reply last night, then followed up this morning. This comment was researched and took about an hour to construct. The response I got was, simply, Touché, which not enough people use. Below is the comment, in its entirety, with sources linked.

In terms of their respective rank in their conferences, yes. KC and GB had impressive victories over the champions of the two garbage divisions. They both went to the home stadium of the number 2 seed and were projected to lose. They both scored 20 points, nearly came back to win, and lost by a touchdown. They both have very attractive quarterbacks (though while I <3 Alex Smith, in terms of skill, he is no A-A-Ron), but that is where the similarities, for the most part, end. There might be similarities between the Patriots and the Cardinals, but they're not important. The Patriots won their 4th Super Bowl last year (Super Bowl XLIX, or ex-lix, as I like to call it) and have been to 4 others. In the last 14 Super Bowls, half of them have included the New England Patriots, and they're probably going to Super Bowl 50. In that same time, the Cardinals have made the playoffs four times, including their only Super Bowl appearance, which they lost in 2008. They have not won an NFL Championship since they were the Chicago Cardinals in 1947. The other difference is that New England is getting a little stale this year, while Arizona is on fire. I'm predicting that they will get the Lombardi trophy in Super Bowl 50, and while this is my first year doing serious NFL predictions, I'm 6 for 6 in the playoffs and 68% on the regular season (which I'm told is good).

For the record, Ed was not actually done.

Kansas City started the season in a massive hole, while Green Bay was playing like a championship team. The former team went on to win 11 straight games, while the Packers lost to the Lions, Bears, and Vikings *at home.* Kansas City won one Super Bowl, in 1969, which was the last of the two that they have been to. In the last 15 years (14 Super Bowls), they have been to the playoffs 5 times, and have only gotten to the Divisional Round twice. The Packers, on the other hand, have 4 Super Bowl wins in 5 appearances, have made the postseason 12 times since the 2001 season, have been in 8 Divisional Round games, and three Conference Championship games. It is much more like KC=ARI and NE=GB. I could write you at least one more paragraph about how that last comparison doesn't hold up, but I've had my fun this morning for this thread.

And in the time it took me to write this post (and exercise, shower, and make plans with friends), Seattle came back to lose, like the other two losers this week, by a single touchdown. My record for the playoffs is now 6 & 1, and with only 4 more games left to go, I'm guaranteed to be over 500.

Going for Two: Wild Card Ranks and Divisional Picks

The NFL is once again hypnotized by a 15 & 1 record and a 30-0 blow out, never considering how easy it is to be undefeated when 5 of those games were against the Romo-less Dallas Cowboys, Jacksonville Jaguars, Tennessee Titans, and Tampa Bay, twice. Okay, so they defeated Seattle and the Packers, just barely, but the Falcons figured them out for the second round, and I can't imagine that the Seahawks won't also. As for Kansas City, well, that's all in my Power Ranks. As much as I <3 Alex "Not great, but good enough*" Smith, I'm not stupid. At least I know that New England won't shut them out.

My calculation for the Divisional Round has Seattle, Arizona, Denver, and New England. My Gut picks follow those, but I'm compelled to type GB where my brain says ARI should be. I can't help it, I feel a very 2010 vibration in the air.

1 (2)	Arizona +1	Arizona reclaimed the top spot by virtue of Seattle's slim win up in frozen TFC Stadium. For their sake, lets hope the rest did them well, because the Packers are coming to town with a chip on their shoulder and a whole mess of lessons learned.
2 (4)	Seattle -1	Seattle could still get back to the Super Bowl this year, especially after their demolition of the Carinals in Week 17, but it will take a lot more than a great catch and scrambling QB this time.
3 (6)	New England	The rest should have been good for New England, and they are taking on an overrated Kansas City. Still, it will warm my heart to see them lose this weekend.
4 (3)	Kansas City +5	Kansas City is not nearly as good as my rating implies. Had Weeden been put in, he might have put up 7, 10, or more points on the board, instead of turning the ball over on every single drive. In fact, if Houston had only scored a field goal in that game, Kansas City would be down at number 5 right now. Had they only won by 20, they'd be just below Green Bay.
5 (1)	Carolina -1	Carolina slips only because Kansas City is so overrated, but odds are that Seattle will steamroll over them.
6 (7)	Green Bay	The Pack is BACK! Of course, they were playing the worst of all of the teams in the Playoffs this year, but they have already played Arizona and now have something to prove. Is this a repeat of the 2010 post-season? Packer fans can only hope.
7 (5)	Denver +1	Denver edged up again by virtue of the slim win of the team just beneath them, which happens to be coming to town this weekend. Denver has a stronger defense than the Bengals, but the quarterback situation is a tricky one.
8 (8)	Pittsburgh -1	The Steelers broke many Bengals hearts over the weekend. Well, sort of. The Bengals broke many Bengals hearts this weekend with bonehead mistakes and letting their emotions overrule their skill. Pittsburgh and Denver are nearly evenly matched in my calculation. Is this a repeat of the 2010 post-season? Packer fans can only hope.
9 (9)	Minnesota -4	Poor, poor Minestrone. They are the first of the losers on my list. They lost by a mistake made by the same guy that was responsible for all of their points during the game. However, if they were actually a better team, they would have scored at least one touchdown and Blair Walsh wouldn't be crying himself to sleep right now. But then again, that means that I couldn't watch these every day (and I do, they're beautiful).
10 (10)	Cincinnati	Again, can we say boneheaded? Exactly, Cinci, you made your own bed, now man up and lie in it. Maybe next year, you'll have some discipline and be able to win a primetime game.
11 (12)	Houston	As it was explained to me today, it appears that the Texans coach threw Hoyer under the bus. Had he been taken out in the second quarter, Weeden could have finished a few drives and put some points on the board.
12 (11)	Washington	And we saved the worst for last. This team is thankfully out of the playoffs this year. Let's hope that Cousins is snatched up by another team in Free Agency and they return to the bottom of the barrel.

*That's a quote from a Kansas City fan that came down to near where my tickets were.

Going for Two: Wild Card Wonders

We were a little late to the first game of the Wild Card weekend, but overheard "106 yards" in reference to the kickoff, and knew that Kansas City was the team that must have ran the kick-off back for a touchdown. We found our section and then began the long descent down to row C and to our seats. It was surreal to me, being so close to something I've mostly seen on TV. Even the games I've been to were high up in Lambeau, and toward a corner. But now, I was right there, and there was JJ Watt, and OMG, ALEX SMITH!

GO TEXANS!!!

There was hope in the first half, and there was excitement. When the screen told us to get loud, we GOT LOUD!! But the murmurs about Hoyer got louder too after turnover after blown drive after turnover and soon enough, I was chanting "We Want Weeden!" along with the loudest of them, all to no avail. Apparently, the coach never even considered taking Hoyer out, and maybe Weeden wasn't the savior that would have helped, but I can't imagine that he would have had a turnover on every. single. promising. drive. No, instead of giving us Weeden, the Texans didn't score any points and lost by 30. There was a disgusting thing that one of the Kansas City players did that had me screaming "EJECT HIM FROM THE GAME" and "#*$& YOU FISHER". However, what I saw as an egregious and unnecessary act - as did many others in the stands - appears to be nothing more than, at worst, a "dirty play" to the rest of the world. And after that, Watt was out of the game, but with a groin injury.

I wish you played for another team, and not Washington.

With 6 minutes left to go, I decided to go to the Kansas City sideline for a closer look at my boyfriend, and a closer look did I get. ::swoon:: The backup QB was in and kneeled down for the final time and we went back up the stairs to board the train and head back to Midtown, one of my calculation picks being right.

We saw parts of the Pittsburgh at Cincinnati game, with sleet, or rain, or snow, and a closer, more exciting game at hand. We did catch the final few minutes of the game, and all Cincinnati had to do was hold Pittsburgh back from field goal range and they would win, but they couldn't do that. A bad hit by a Bengal led to penalty yards for the Steelers, and they won by two points, proving my prediction right for the second game.

Today, we missed kick-off again, since my friend and I were out for breakfast, but we got back in time for the second half, with Minnesota up by 3 to 0. Then the Vikings got two more field goals before Wilson missed the snap. As he scrambled and picked up the ball, Tyler Lockett paid attention and stayed open to receive the Wilson pass and got inside the Vikings 5 yard line! Soon enough, the Seahawks had 7 points on the board, and then they had 10, but Minestrone was making a comeback and was in field goal range.

LACES OUT!!!! LACES OUT! Did you learn NOTHING from Ace Ventura?!?

I saw the set-up, with the kicker kicking into the sunlight, and I had a feeling. Maybe it was my hopes, because I needed Seattle to win and really wanted Minnesota to lose, but I think it was the sunlight. That kick sailed wide left, and another one of my picks was correct. After that, I took my friend to the airport. When I got back, I put the Green Bay game on for a little while, but went back and forth between the game and the NFL Network. Eventually, I had the game on mute with Rifftrax on my computer. The Packers were down by 5 when I got home, then Washington got a touchdown. I hoped they would blow the extra point, and they did, but they were up by 11. After that, however, Green Bay became Green Bay again, and scored 17 unanswered points.  YOU LIKE THAT! WE ALL LIKE THAT! Washington got another touchdown and made the extra point, but it didn't matter, because the Packers responded with 18 more points to make my calculation 100% accurate this week! WOOOOOOOOOO PACKERS! PACKERS WON THE SUPER BOWL WILD CARD GAME!

Going for Two: Week Seven Face Off

I mean that face! Face this! The Face of Sadness hit his trainer in the face tonight. I made the graphic before I knew about this, however. I was inspired by the face of Colin Kaepernick on the sidelines while Wilson's Seahawks got a touchdown because they DIDN'T go with an inside screen at the goal line, and instead gave the ball to Lynch like they were supposed to. Sorry, Superbowl XLIX flashbacks. Anyway, I think someone should tell the Seahawks that they forgot to wash their away uniforms.

Since then, Wilson did throw two interceptions, so, yeah, fine, whatever, but Seattle has 17 points and San Francisco has cero. Except right now, the Niners made some nice completions and finally got on the board. I have predicted Seattle for this game, because, once again, while they have identical records right now, San Francisco suh-ucks.

Going for Two: Week Two Bizarro World

Welcome to the end of Week Two, the first week where I picked against my calculation, which wasn't a very good idea. My pick for Thursday went against my calculation, so when I got that one wrong, it was a point in favor of the calculation. The early games were mediocre for my picks, but the calculation correctly predicted 8 of those 10 winners. I was sitting pretty because my remaining picks aligned with the calculation.

Well, Bizarro World started with the early games when Tampa Bay defeated New Orleans. I didn't think much of it, because New Orleans isn't ranked very high. But then my phone was showing that Jacksonville (#28) and Oakland (#31) were doing pretty well against Miami (#16, but projected to go 15&1) and Baltimore (#6). I wasn't very worried though. Well, maybe Jacksonville would win, but clearly, Baltimore wouldn't lose to the Raiders, but they did. At the very least, Dallas (#5) defeated Philadelphia (#10), as predicted. That took my picks to 50% and my calculation to 71%.

For the past couple hours, I've been sitting and watching the Seahawks (#1) at the Packers (#2). Now, since Seattle lost last week and the Packers didn't, the calculation predicted Packers, which is good because I'm not going to pick against my team. Now, I've made my peace with Seattle, mainly because of the sensation around Richard Sherman and then Marshawn Lynch in 2014, but I know that many have not, including the players. There was one Seattle player ejected for grabbing and grabbing facemask, and now they're desperately trying to get 10 points until... FUMBLE! Green Bay is 2&0. Happy birthday to me!

Going for Two: Week One Not-So-Surprising Upsets

I spent most of today with spreadsheets, one of which you can read about in the previous post. Around 2 or something, I finally turned on the games to see an extreme amount of disappointment in Houston fans as they trailed KC by... lots of points. From the Talking Heads, a KC interception early in the game was a major blow to the Texans, proving how important a good, or even mediocre QB is for a team. KC showed why it deserved to go up 5 places, while Houston demonstrated why it fell 3 places in my new calculation. Not to mention that all love was being poured on my old Boyfriend, one Alex Smith.

The Rams, who went up 4 places, managed to defeat the Seahawks, which was also surprising, but also not surprising. The Rams, in my life, have never been great, but they make an impact as spoilers, creating the 1 for the 15&1 2011 Packers and contributing a third to the 1996 13&3 Packers, if I recall correctly. Then there was Indianapolis and Buffalo, where I predicted Colts, but the Bills win instead. I don't know how that one happened, but it means that I am 5 for 8 for the first half of Week One.

Right now, at 5pm Central, I'm watching Denver and Baltimore. I really can't describe my observations of Manning - I can't put words to the general concepts there - but they're not good. He has managed to lead his team into field goal range three times, but they're trailing by one point after the Vashda Nerada intercepted a pass and ran it in for an easy touchdown. It will mean being wrong, but I won't mind a Baltimore win here.

Going for Two: Optimized Calculation

After my first post, I began working with my calculation more, then put the numbers into the charts for each week to see how the season might shake out. The results made for a very even distribution of records, with a couple teams having perfect seasons and just as many not getting a win at all. The top two teams, my prospective Super Bowl teams, were the Arizona Cardinals for the NFC and the Miami Dolphins in the AFC.

I mentioned this to two of the people that did my Peer Reviews, and one said, "I will give you $100 if Miami gets to the Super Bowl," but had more optimism about the Cardinals. This prompted me to make more changes. I changed up the numbers that went into the charts for each week by rounding the value to the nearest whole number and added the points from my ranking to the weekly chart through Week 8, but reducing the point value by 10% each week. This rounding and prolonging the effect of those initial points helped by making the final records of each team fall into a more normal distribution. I also hard coded a win for New England to get them from 8&8 to 11&5, because yeah. I may hate the Patriots, but I'm not stupid.

The other major change was to add more data, including Depth Chart Rankings and the ranks for Offenses, Defenses, and Special Teams. This change took considerably more time, both from data entry, figuring out how to weight the different values, and then combining the information into a single number that still fit my 16-point scale. Oh, and I pulled all of that into its own spreadsheet, the apparently simplicity of which masking all of the hours that were poured into it.

This moved the team ranks around, but did not change the Bottom 5 teams. WAS, and JAX made the last of the 20's, and TEN, OAK, and TB received 30, 31, and 32, respectively. New England, Green Bay, and Seattle bounced around a little, but ended up in the top 3. Most of the other top ranked teams from my simpler calculation remained up at the top, but Arizona was the biggest loser, going from number 8 to 16.

Given all the work that I did on my spreadsheet, I'm not about to work on describing it any more, or copy the results into this post. I will say that, after all of that work, Miami still makes it to the Super Bowl.

Back to Football: Sports Interviews

One year and two days ago, I shared this image on Facebook with the caption, "Truf," after I saw it posted by a friend. It went around a little more after that, because you can't deny my caption.

This was shared from a group called 'No Filter'. 7 likes, no comments.

Two days later, the Seattle Seahawks defeated the San Francisco 49ers, in part because they are a good team, in part because San Francisco can't actually win "the big game", and perhaps, just perhaps, because Richard Sherman was so angry with Michael Crabtree that he could not LET them win. Sherman deflected a possible touchdown pass that was then grabbed by another Seahawk, securing the Seahawk trip to Super Bowl 48, where they later outscored the favored* Broncos by a factor of 5.375.

After the game, after Sherman took off his helmet and donned his NFC Champion Seahawks cap, a sports reporter, Erin Andrews, went to talk to him. She wanted him to "take [her] through that last play." Instead of the normal answer of "blah blah blah, stuff we can assume from the circumstances, blah blah blah," he gave us a taste of the adrenaline still coursing through his body and produced something interesting, for a change. I think I heard about it on Facebook and either watched it from another share or sought it out and watched it. When I posted, I included the caption, "Is this ... what?" to reflect my own confusion and amazement.

Erin Andrews was pleased with this interview, and concerned about the racist reactions.

The first comment on my post was from a fellow Packer fan with a similar reaction to the interview, then there were comments referencing a 'lack of class' and another person mentioned that it would cause them to root for Denver. Other friends posted their own, very negative comments on their own Facebook feeds. I was taken aback at this reaction, and instantly recognized the inherent racism, through I didn't have the desire to get into a fray with friends and relatives that evening.

The next day, the country was up in arms about the interview, which sparked a much needed conversation about the politics of respectability**. This article discusses the racism evident in the way NFL player actions are treated in the press beyond the reaction Sherman's interview. I was, once again, happy to hear people in the media giving the arguments that I know almost innately now.

Had there not been the backlash or the ensuing conversation, I might have forgotten the interview, except as an needed change from the ordinary. As it happened, my appreciation for the Seattle Seahawks increased significantly, which is a major triumph, indeed, after that Fail Mary call in 2012***. I'm also now a bit of a fan of Richard Sherman, the player and person, because really, if you want class, go watch golf.

---

* When AREN'T the Broncos favored?
** I've always been more on the side of Du Bois than Washington in this debate. 
*** This Ode was actually directed at the Seahawks coach and his celebration with the OBVIOUSLY WRONG CALL. Sorry, I'm still bitter, whatever.

Back to Football: Divisional Drama

This weekend's games were very exciting and somewhat predictable. I went out on a limb and predicted a Baltimore upset and tentatively picked Denver to win at home, then ended up getting the entire AFC Championship game wrong. Baltimore lost me $50 in a friendly bet yesterday too. The AFC Championship game is going to be pretty boring - certainly in terms of colors. My preference is for Indianapolis to win, but I am not sure that they can defeat the Patriots. 

But the NFC Championship is exactly as predicted - Green Bay is going to Seattle. On one hand, the Seahawks are young, hungry killers on the field. Cocky assholes that can put their playing where their mouths are, and they're awfully fun to watch. On the other hand, they weren't able to blow out the 7&9 Carolina Panthers yesterday, and the Packers came from behind to defeat the possibly-better-than-them Dallas Cowboys. Perhaps, the Seahawks just phoned it in, while Green Bay had to claw a win out of this weekend. Maybe, Seattle has a false sense of security and the Packers are actually ready. I guess that we'll know next week. 

Honestly, I really don't care who wins the NFC Championship next week. Of course, I would love for the Packers to win, then go on to win the Super Bowl, I mean, obviously. But I've developed a major football-crush on this Seahawks team. First, there is "the best corner in the game", not the league, the m&th*#f&*#ing game, who's also got a great sense of humor, then their running back is not only good, he's a bastion of gratitude and generosity too, and their quarterback is from UW Madison. But whoever does win this game, I can only hope they are prepared to take the Lombardi Trophy home. 

Back to Football: Week Seven Sunday

Sadly, but perhaps rightly so, karma struck Seattle and gave them their overdue loss on a clearly faulty call (or did it? I have no idea right now, and it's not like I can just look these things up, sheesh). I can't tell you with certainty that the call was wrong, since I did not see it. I did hear plenty of analysis of it from the CBS Football guys, however, while I was doing things on my work computer. I mean, if the football guys say it was wrong, it was probably wrong.

There were so many disappointments this week, but it's a bad week to be from a [geographic region] that starts with the letter C. Chicago and Cleveland really let me down with their losses to Miami and Jacksonville (seriously, Jacksonville?). Chicago is really the more disappointing though - they were at home. I can't be that upset about Cincinnati this week though, because that pick was a real gamble, and perhaps just wishful thinking. Fortunately, one of the teams from a C [location] lost to the Packers.

Seattle and three of the four C losses today leave me at five for nine on the early Sunday games. I've picked Kansas City, Arizona, and Dallas for the late games, and I don't think the Niners have a chance at 5,280 feet.

I took a break from working out my work issues (you have no idea) to work on this post and watch some NFC East action with Dallas and the Giants. I picked Dallas, and they're kind of letting me down. I watched a surreal interception caused by a receiver that fell down as the ball was rainbowing through the air. It was almost in slow motion as the lone defender grabbed the ball and started running the other way. The touchdown that followed was, as Linda Richman would say, like buttah. 

Commercials came on and I was transfixed by a song and image of a large man going to Akron and his old high school. Soon, it was revealed to be Lebron James and I'm still having major feels about this commercial. 

Sh*t, dude, that is some heavy stuff. It also encouraged me to start a weight training regimen again.

But as the subject says, back to football: Dallas came back from their turnover and are going to finish up the half with a tie, instead of down by seven. But really, I should get back to my work stuff, get a meal of sorts, and do more work things.

Back to Football: Week Six Can't Miss Play

They play that I really wanted to see is over at SB Nation. It's beautiful, and it turns out to be a Dan Marino trick. That has GOT to sting.

Unfortunately, the young killers weren't hungry enough and the Giants are playing like sh*t tonight, so the best I can hope for this week is 77% correct.

Back to Football: Week Three

Last week, I spent copious time working on my 2014 spreadsheet, which now connects everywhere. I just have to input my picks, then record the winners, and everything gets updated.

The 2014 Season Spreadsheet

Spending time with my spreadsheet instead of watching people babble about football means that my picks last week were pretty bad - 40%. I asked a few people this weekend about their thoughts and learned that Denver looks good for the Super Bowl, the AFC West is the strongest division, the Panthers may surprise everyone, and people have figured the Seahawks out.

I'm still gunning for a Houston-Cincinnati Super Bowl, with Houston winning. The Bengals could pull it out, however, but only if Esiason comes out of the announcers' booth and kicks a game-winning field goal. Allegedly, this would never happen, but as the Ancient Oracle of Football, I must point out that they are both undefeated this year. As it turns out, the Texans are in the AFC, so it really couldn't happen. Oh well. I successfully picked Atlanta for the Thursday game, but I'm sure everyone saw that coming. This week, the winners will win and the losers will lose, unless the losers play each other, in which case, who cares? They're losers.

I miss Alex Smith

Back to Football: PACKERS!

I was sitting at Tacos, seeing a few Packers posts on Facebook, so I asked, "Packers?" and a friend responded with, "Packers!!"

Indeed, Packers.



So I went home before the game began, but chatted with some guys outside a nearby addiction recovery center. A somewhat bitter 49ers fan explained that the Seahawks were "young killers" who were both "deadly" and "hungry".

I got home in time to see the opener and my absolute new favorite part of the game - the rosters. I listen for two things: players from OSU saying the all important definite article before their college name and strange things. Russell Wilson is from "a whole pack of badgers" and, I believe, Sam Shields, is from "The U".

First and 10 at the 2 minute warning of the first half, and I think the Seahawks will win. The young killers are just hungrier. Time to reprise my old spreadsheet.

Just checking in to say that I heard one of the commentators say "ameoba this".

Playoffs, Yeah: Divisional, Day 2

So, the Packers lost yesterday, but in good news, the 49ers won. Today, it looks like the Falcons are going to win, with them at 20-0 at the half. But as I typed that, Seattle did get a touchdown, early in the second half, so things might be looking up for them.

--Time Passes--

It still isn't a blow out, even though Atlanta got another touchdown. That is because Seattle got another touchdown and just got an interception. But seriously, I can't watch any more commercials. Even the commercials that I liked are getting to me. I am starting to understand how the average American can be the way they are, with all these marketing bombardments hitting them all day. The KFC commercial is really annoying, because everyone in it needs to be about 50 pounds heavier to represent the average American couch crowd.

--Time Passes--

Things are getting very exciting in Hotlanta today, and the commentators asked if Seattle is indeed "the team of destiny" in this playoff season. My response is that yes, they are the team of destiny, and their destiny is to be defeated by the 49ers next week so they can go on to the Super Bowl.

--Time Passes--

But not too fast, Seattle, the battle of the Red will occur next week instead. And now, the Texans and the Patriots are facing off in New England. At first, it looked like the Texans were going to be an impenetrable wall against the Patriots, yet they failed to get a touchdown. now the Patriots are coming back aggressively  and are up by two touchdowns, and the Texans have yet to score more than a single field goal. I admit, I'm not really watching much of the game, especially now that I have put music on in the background to avoid the constant muting and withstanding banal commentary. But the Texans have gotten a touchdown, finally, at the end of the first half. Will they go for two? No, of course not, nobody ever does.

--Time Passes--

Well, while they were doing pretty well for a while, I predict that the Patriots will win, and that I will take a nap. Next week, one post, for the Conference Championships.

Playoffs, Yeah: Wild Card, Day 2

So, I don't really care about the games today, save for proving the accuracy of my picks. The Packers already won their game, and the Bengals lost, and today are the battles of teams I either didn't care about, or didn't like. The battle of the don't care is over, and I'm pleased that the Ravens won, though I did pick the Colts. Now, the don't likes are playing. I picked the Seahawks, for obvious reasons (to anyone who knows me), but I really kind of hope they just go on to lose to the Falcons next week.

Stupid Observation: The Seahawks are from the state of Washington, and the other team is from the city of Washington.

--Time Passes--

So, Washington broke the trend of the Wild Card games, and scored first with a touchdown, instead of a field goal. They are generally dominating this game, but whatever, in the battle of the don't likes, I hope either one goes down against the Falcons next week.

Sundays are for Football: Week Sixteen

I'm gonna go to bed and cry.

Sundays are for Football: Week Seven

The week began early with the Thursday night game pre-empting Jeopardy, but it turned out to be the 49ers, with my boyfriend, playing the Stupidhawks. The Stupidhawks away uniforms are much more attractive than their home uniforms, so they weren't playing that well. On the other hand, my boyfriend didn't throw any touchdowns last week, and hadn't thrown one yet in this game. But when I started paying attention, and turned up the TV volume, he got a lot better. Near the end of the game, a defensive player sacked the opposing QB, and my roommate told me that said defensive player was his boyfriend. As it turns out, our boyfriends have the same last name, which is convenient. It was a great game, and Seattle fell to 4&3, though they should really be 3&4, or 0&7 - I don't even care that they're in the NFC West.

--Days Pass--

My football blogging this week is pretty sparse, due to weirdness happening in my life. I missed all of the early games, until the very end, due to a late awakening, and the need to take a walk. The only late game that is on for me now are the very bad Jacksonville Jaguars against the also very bad Oakland Raiders. I'm sure that the Jets-Patriots game would be a bit more exciting, objectively, but OMG I do not want to watch that. Also, instead of paying attention to the Raiders playing badly, then playing better, then badly again, I finally finished voting on the 23 various ballot measures and the ranked choice voting for mayor and city councilmember. I've sealed up and signed my ballot, and am ready to throw it in the mail on Monday.

--Time Passes--

Well, this game is certainly interesting now, and both of the late games today went into overtime. I also have to say that I think that Oakland should include the pink shoes and towels as part of their uniforms permanently. It accents the black and silver perfectly. Back to overtime, a touchdown will end the game, so Oakland needs to stop the Jaguars from doing that, then do it themselves. If the Patriots win their game, it will be really good for my Gut Picks this week. Then the Steelers and DA BEARS need to win, and my Gut Picks will have an 85% success rate.

--Time Passes--

And Janikowski gets it in, for a Raider win, with the Patriots winning in overtime too. :D Gut Picks at 69% now, so I'm wrapping it up for Week 7.

Ode to That One Guy in Charge of That Team

I shall crush you! (except that I can't really remember your stupid name)
The mighty anger of my rage shall swell up to staggering heights!
It shall come down upon you like Jennings did with that ball! [goddamnit!]

[incoherent yelling - you may want to look away for a moment]

Your Needle of Space is no match for the terror of my angry stares!
Your fans and players shall not know the joy of a true win, and they will always know!
They will don those blue pants and stupid fluorescent green shoes in shame!

SHAME!

RRRRRRRRR >< AAAAAHHHH

The whole world seems to be ending, the refs made the wrong call!
You #$)(*@ piece of &#$)@ stainless @&#$$.

I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!
I will never calm down!
I cannot calm down!
Something bad happened in football.

I guess that I'll go to bed.
Seattle is safe
My rage will be contained in fits of tears, cried into my pillows in California.
Goodnight, you $%@*( #$&(@ &^#.

Of course, on second thought, 14-2 is still a perfectly respectable record.

SunMondays are for Football: Week Three

Because I spent part of my Sunday in costume, wandering around the Folsom Street Fair, and the other part recovering from the wandering, I paid absolutely no attention to the football games on Sunday. I seriously could not be bothered to care, partially because my chest hurt from inhaling all of the smoke from the fair, but also because I knew that Packers were not playing, because they were, instead, meeting some team for the Monday Night Football.

They happen to be playing the Seattle Seahawks, which were one of the NFL expansion teams from the 1990's, I think. Their team colors and uniforms were clearly selected during the early 1990's, and my roommate has determined that they are better at the football than Packers because they know how ugly their uniforms are, and recognize that they better be good at the football to distract from their hideous uniforms. I will note that the Packer away uniforms are also really ugly, but it does not appear to be making them any better at the football.

I must say that my football blogging this week is pretty bad, because nothing is coming to mind. I also tried to eat my face this morning (bit the inside of my mouth while eating), and the sore is hurting me a lot. Really, my roommate's comment about the uniforms is probably the best that you will get out of me tonight, and it is still 6 to 7, StupidSeahawks.

--Time Passes--

And at the end of the game, Jennings had that ball, but whatever. Except it wasn't a touchdown, and the game isn't even over. WHATEVER. To paraphrase one commentator, the Packers are not going to fly 6,000 miles home with that result.

Yes, he did say "six thousand miles". I say paraphrase because the other words around that phrase may not be remembered accurately, but I distinctly heard "six thousand miles".