Going for Two: Quarterback Beauty Pageant 2015 Preliminaries

Well, all 53 starting QBs have been assessed on the basis of their performance, offfield behavior, and the attractiveness of their NFL Profile photo to produce the top 16 Starting Quarterbacks.

The preliminary score weighting has also been adjusted to account for the YPG issue. YPG was created to make QBs with fewer starts competitive with those who started more, and therefore had more opportunities to get yards, but since many of those same QBs played in more games than they started, it inflated their YPG. Now YPG is 5% and TD/INT is 25%. Anyone that started fewer than 5 games was kicked out. Sorry Tony Romo, but you wouldn't have had a chance anyway. AJ McCarron is a sad loss too, because good lord is he cute without a helmet. He's almost a little too cute, in a creepy... illegal way... yeah, sorry. He also has a cross tattooed on his chest which is... even weirder. I bet he gets carded A LOT.

He looks awkwardly cherubic in a helmet, what the hell?

Jesus, Sam, it's not a mug shot

Sam Bradford is another of the unfortunates, but I already knew that the Most Paranoid Ryan Reynolds would reach this fate all the attention he got during Tonight Night Superlatives. What I didn't know about him is that he has Native American ancestry, albeit 6%. One of my American Indian Studies books taught me that many people that claim this are wrong about it, especially if it is Cherokee, which his ancestry is. However, he is actually listed as an official Cherokee citizen. Researching the offfield behavior of these guys was very informative, and while most of them were pretty boring, I was happy to find few of them with controversial pasts. Peyton Manning was certainly a disappointment, and I can only hope that, now that he has a daughter, he has a little remorse about his stupid behavior.

Jay Cutler does volunteer work with people with developmental disabilities and at-risk youth. He was later diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes as an adult. He seems to have a good sense of humor about himself, with being made fun of on South Park and the Smokin' Jay Cutler meme. But apparently, after being pretty good in college, he came into the NFL and didn't live up to expectations? I haven't figured these things out quite yet. Oh well, as a Packer fan, I can only hope that he never, ever stops playing for the Bears. His photo was surprising, and got him a top score for that category. Along with a top score for offfield behavior, he managed to make the finals. He is accompanied in this category by Eli Manning and Alex Smith, which may be the only time that grouping will ever exist.

He has no business looking this good.

It's clear where all the looks went in this family.

At this point, I've managed to find enough things to write about to get to the Eli Manning photo, where what can I say? He's a finalist for the Walter Payton Man of the Year award, and well, his Wikipedia page isn't as impressive as Cutler's, but whatever, he still has a perfect score. I guess it's in part because he is better than his brother and he prevented a Patriots Perfect Season. I'm trying desperately to finish this post (Friday night) while making sure that my cat doesn't push, say, my tree of origami ornaments that I made on the floor. So I decided to look up  Cooper Manning and found out that he has spinal stenosis, which is why he's not in the NFL. That led me to his Manning Hour clips, which led me to "WHAT IF" 9 Year Old Cam Newton Was In the NFL!?, which took me to right here.

So now, I want to take a brief interlude in the photo show to figure out I mean show how the finals will be scored. But before that, here are are some more clips from the Manning Hour. Ahem, okay, finals.

	Ms America	QBBP	Top
25%	Composite Score	Composite Score	16
10%	Lifestyle and Fitness in Swimsuit	Offfield Behavior found outside Wikipedia	16
15%	Evening Wear	College photos	12
30%	Talent	Full uniform look	10
20%	On-Stage Question	Uh....... not sure Offfield Look	7

I'll figure out the last metric later. It will probably be Offfield Look, yeah. Anyway, I'm still writing stuff about the finalists and other Quarterbacks based on what I learned so far and wishing that my sweet, adorable fur-baby would calm down. Sigh...

~~~~~~Doodlie doodlie doo!~~~~~ It's Saturday morning now and it's time to fill in some more information. I don't understand what's up with Drew Brees here, unless he really did take this photo on the toilet. He had an older photo that looked really good, but decided that this one was better? Of other guys disqualified for not having enough starts is Mark Sanchez, who is really into musical theater and is very inspirational to Mexican Americans, being one himself. Jimmy Clausen was involved in a couple of altercations that I can only describe as "Indiana-like" and Landry Jones, named after Tom, is married to a WNBA player.

He's lucky he's as good and as he is, in all of the other categories.

Moving on to those with enough starts, but eliminated from the Finals, is Ryan Fitzpatrick, alleged to be the "fifth smartest person in sports", with 5 kids, who also ooks like a monkey when spooked during interviews. We then have another Ryan, Matt Ryan who does a lot of work with kids, including some online reading thing called "Read with a Falcon". Marcus Mariota is half Samoan, from Hawaii. Andrew Luck is a major literary nerd who compliments players from opposing teams that sack him. Matt Cassell alerted some neighbors to their house being on fire, which allowed them to escape alive.

Take note, rookies, that's how you want to look in your profile photo.

And finally, the last interesting thing from the non-finalists, is that Colin Kaepernick's arm tattoos are actually Christian things and he kisses them after running in touchdowns because of his faith. He's also a bit of a mixed Christian, having been baptized Methodist, confirmed Lutheran, and went to a Baptist church in college. He has a pet tortoise that he got when he was 10. Alex Smith is the last, but certainly not the least finalist described here, because, I mean, look at him. Like I'm not going to put that photo on my blog. He's married to a former Oakland Raider cheerleader and has Serbian ancestry. He got a perfect score for offfield behavior because personally funds a charity to send foster teens to college, and 91% of the funds for the charity go for the cause and not overhead.

The rest of the finalists will be announced in my next post tomorrow, or maybe today. It depends on what I end up doing. However, before we go, I have some photos from the finalists on the beach earlier this week. They had a lot of fun just getting some sun, having races, and a little swimming. That's really nice to see all these competitors just getting along.

And finally, the post that began on Wednesday is complete.