Sundays are for Football: Week Four

So, today is another day, another weekend, and another set of games available on Network TV in the Bay Area. I missed a big chunk of the early game, and may miss more if we go to Target or get lunch or something, but it doesn't matter because Packers aren't playing until 3:15 CDT, or 1:15 here in the bay. After a couple of weeks of working myself up, I am definitely worked up for this game. New Orleans is 0-3, and Packers are coming off a loss that shouldn't-have-been.

But first, the 49ers play the Jets, and by "play", I mean "practice scoring lots of points against an AFC team for when they get to the Super Bowl". San Francisco plays as well as I wish the Packers would play. I mean, did you see that blocked punt? Just marvelous.

One thing that drives me nuts is to hear the interviews after the game. Usually, I'll mute the TV and/or just talk over the responses to questions with my own commentary. Here is a little example of what I wish Alex Smith would say.

Reporter: Why do you think San Francisco is doing so well?
Smith: Well, I live in a really awesome city, right next to the ocean, around a lot of cool people. I watch the sun set over the Pacific like, every day, then I go out dancing in the Castro. Have you ever been over there? They know how to party, it is awesome.

Reporter: You shut out the Jets this Sunday, and got over 30 points, do you think you can do it again?
Smith: Of course I can do it again, I am Alex &$^%ing Smith, and I play for the 49ers. We're a team named after gold miners, and gold is the best thing in the world, plus Joe Montana played for this team. I bet I can score over 40 points in the next game, &^%$.

Reporter: Are you at all concerned about your offense feeling any pressure?
Smith: Are you kidding me? We've got Frank Gore, Randy Moss, and all those other guys whose names I can't even remember because Moss and Gore are so awesome, or at least, they have four-letter last names that are easier to remember, I digress... My offense will go out and eat other teams for dinner.

Reporter: Are you worried that your defense might crumble under some pressure?
Smith: I have no idea what you're talking about, did you see the big goose egg in the score today?

Reporter: Why did you decide to take a knee at the end of the game, instead of score?
Smith: Because we're not the goddamn Cowboys and we have some class, thank you. Look, I know you all want to talk to me some more, but I have a manicure scheduled, SMITH OUT!

In other news, apparently, the Atlanta Falcons are really good too, which makes sense, since I hear that Atlanta is a really gorgeous city. However, the Panthers are close to defeating them, which I hope they do, because I hate to see any team that is not the Packers go undefeated, ever.

--Time Passes--

I'm watching the TV, and now I see that the Packer game is delayed by 10 minutes, which I guess is cool, since this Panther/Falcon game is still pretty intense, but it also makes me think hella swear words. There are like 14 seconds left in this game, and I'm pissed at Carolina for not being better.

--Time Passes--

The Packer game started, and I actually miss the crappy officials, because more flags meant more craziness, and more fun. Of course, I also judge team goodness based on how much I like their hometown, so my opinion may not be valid. I urge my none readers to not assume this to be because I am a woman, but rather, understand that I have this opinion because I'm a crazy person, raised by other crazy people, full stop.

--Time Passes--

So, halftime has ended, and I'm just not feeling this game. Maybe I'm liking the 49ers too much, maybe this game is feeling too normal, I'm not sure. They keep pointing out Clay Matthews, and I'm not sure why, unless they want to encourage me to think certain thoughts about him, and that lovely blond hair. I'm sure that it isn't that, since they don't even know me - I'm not even sure if I know who they are, anyway. This game needs to either become more interesting, or end with a Green Bay win. I'd prefer both, but I'd be happy with the latter.

--Time Passes--

Well, the game got more interesting, and New Orleans seems on its way to their first win. How painfully annoying. Oakland also lost to the Broncos, my least favorite team of my favorite division in the Conference that I don't like.

--Time Passes--

But after some crazy, crazy activities, the Packers eeked out a win, then they took me to the end of a game between a former division rival, and a team that I kind of wish didn't exist, in my least favorite division. Our former division rivals are up by a single point, and I hope they keep it, and block this field goal, but, whatever. In other news, the StupidSeahawks LOST this week, so... nyah. And with that, I think I need a nap, or something.

Post Sunday Night Game Announcement - the only team in the NFC East that I like won tonight, against one of the other teams in the NFC East. Hooray!

Ode to That One Guy in Charge of That Team

I shall crush you! (except that I can't really remember your stupid name)
The mighty anger of my rage shall swell up to staggering heights!
It shall come down upon you like Jennings did with that ball! [goddamnit!]

[incoherent yelling - you may want to look away for a moment]

Your Needle of Space is no match for the terror of my angry stares!
Your fans and players shall not know the joy of a true win, and they will always know!
They will don those blue pants and stupid fluorescent green shoes in shame!

SHAME!

RRRRRRRRR >< AAAAAHHHH

The whole world seems to be ending, the refs made the wrong call!
You #$)(*@ piece of &#$)@ stainless @&#$$.

I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!
I will never calm down!
I cannot calm down!
Something bad happened in football.

I guess that I'll go to bed.
Seattle is safe
My rage will be contained in fits of tears, cried into my pillows in California.
Goodnight, you $%@*( #$&(@ &^#.

Of course, on second thought, 14-2 is still a perfectly respectable record.

SunMondays are for Football: Week Three

Because I spent part of my Sunday in costume, wandering around the Folsom Street Fair, and the other part recovering from the wandering, I paid absolutely no attention to the football games on Sunday. I seriously could not be bothered to care, partially because my chest hurt from inhaling all of the smoke from the fair, but also because I knew that Packers were not playing, because they were, instead, meeting some team for the Monday Night Football.

They happen to be playing the Seattle Seahawks, which were one of the NFL expansion teams from the 1990's, I think. Their team colors and uniforms were clearly selected during the early 1990's, and my roommate has determined that they are better at the football than Packers because they know how ugly their uniforms are, and recognize that they better be good at the football to distract from their hideous uniforms. I will note that the Packer away uniforms are also really ugly, but it does not appear to be making them any better at the football.

I must say that my football blogging this week is pretty bad, because nothing is coming to mind. I also tried to eat my face this morning (bit the inside of my mouth while eating), and the sore is hurting me a lot. Really, my roommate's comment about the uniforms is probably the best that you will get out of me tonight, and it is still 6 to 7, StupidSeahawks.

--Time Passes--

And at the end of the game, Jennings had that ball, but whatever. Except it wasn't a touchdown, and the game isn't even over. WHATEVER. To paraphrase one commentator, the Packers are not going to fly 6,000 miles home with that result.

Yes, he did say "six thousand miles". I say paraphrase because the other words around that phrase may not be remembered accurately, but I distinctly heard "six thousand miles".

Sundays are for Football: Week Two

Well, the Packers already won their game on Thursday night, against a team that won last week. This leads me to think that San Francisco is just really good and the Packers may meet up with them again in in the real Super Bowl NFC Championship game.

So there is no Packer game, but there is an Oakland Raider game, in Miami, where the Raiders are wearing their home-game uniforms, because Miami's home-game uniforms are white? Or does it work differently in the AFC? I have no idea, and refuse to actually research it. In any case, the Raiders are winning, in the third quarter, which is pretty sweet. I suspect that the Raiders will win this one, based on the fact that the Dolphins are a "Bad" team, and the Raiders are "Mediocre", or at least they were last year. (written before Reggie Bush got two touchdowns.... and the touchdown pass, and the eventual Miami win)

It is too early in the season for me to start my actual analysis of teams, which is based only on their record of wins and losses, and contains just three categories. I could get all into the player stats, and the penalties, and yards gained, or lost, but that would just be a lot of really fun-less effort, for which I would get exactly zero compensation. Now, some would take this as evidence that I am not *that* committed to football, and therefore don't really like the game. They would be correct on the former, but completely wrong on the latter. I have simply come to terms with my laziness imperfection, and won't be beating myself up, or working myself over something that should be entertainment. Still, I want to do some analysis, since I'm so inclined, and the easiest analysis is over records. Starting in Week 5, expect a link to a Google Docs spreadsheet with some info.

I'd like to see the San Francisco game, later today, but may be entertaining family at the time. I'm skipping the late game, because both of the games that are shown on the Networks feature teams that I don't really like watching. Look for one last paragraph about San Francisco, regardless. I want to see if they are just really, really good.

--Time Passes--

And, after a dinner, I caught parts of the second half of the 49ers game. I put it on the living room TV, but with my downstairs neighbors having a music party, and me reading Facebook, I wasn't paying attention to the game. I closed my computer and focused on the game, with 4 minutes left on the clock. The 49ers really pwned during this game, it seems, and against the Detroit Lions, who were "Good" last year. I predict, based on what I know from last season, and what I have seen this year, that the NFC team that goes to the Super Bowl will be the San Francisco 49ers.

You Don't Want to Make Me Mad

You really, really don't want to irritate me. My stares are not very nice. I'm actually pretty impressed with how well I drew my own face and the convincing Aaron Rodgers jersey. The slight asymmetry of my face is incredibly convenient in this aspect too. My ability to draw arms, on the other hand, is obviously sub-par. I also think that this drawing of myself is too thin to be a completely accurate representation, but it is pretty close.

Sundays are for Football: Week One

I did manage to wake up and stop watching MST3k this morning in time to catch the early games. Washington vs. New Orleans on FOX, and Indianapolis vs. DA BEARS on NBC. I prefer to watch the NBC game, in case I get to see Chicago lose. Of course, if they win, they beat an AFC team, and increase the standings of the entire NFC North, which is good.

And after the first half of play, the [one team] are kicking some series @$$, but the [other team] are hanging in there. I must confess, however, that I spent more time looking at Facebook posts than watching the game. I am checking out the Half Time report, and on CBS even, because I like James Brown and that Boomer guy. Apparently, [another NFC North] is also doing well, against another AFC team, so things look good for the NFC North. I am also noticing that the half time scores all look more like final scores, and wonder if Defenses are getting worse, or Offenses are getting better.

And at the end of the Bears Colts game, the Bears are up by [a two-digit number] points, and I'm switching over to Packers!

So, Troy Aikman, who I like a lot more as a TV Personality than a Cowboy, said that the Packers used their draft picks on defense, since the defense was bad last year. And I think that the 49ers just went [a phrase that means that they didn't do too well] in their first possession. I'll be back at the commercial.

But the NFL just reminded me that any accounts of the game without their consent are not allowed, so, I'm taking any specificity out of my accounts. I hope that covers it. I respect the NFL's copyright rules, in part because their commercials are so good, but mostly because I recognize that they recognize that the games are their bread and butter. I think that the NFL, as a whole, is staffed with some smart people, and is above average, in terms of organizational skills.

I will say that Jim Harbaugh's ferocity (did you see the spittle specks on the side of his mouth in that one shot? I did) in the first quarter certainly paid off.

And my roommate came home before the first half was over, and we went out for burritos at the half. We got back, I walked in the door in the middle of the 3rd quarter, and just started laughing. After watching a few plays, I concluded that the Green Bay receivers had decided to rub some Real Wisconsin Butter for "good luck" before each play. They really should stop doing that. In any case, win or lose, it looks like a good game, and I will continue to yell at the TV. I've decided to end my chaotic Week One post now, before the end of the game.